Just One of Those Nights

It's just one of those nights that I really miss my baby. I've been really spring cleaning my surroundings and have realized how much I cherish the people around me. The REAL ones. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm so content with the person I am (always room for improvement). And who I am has everything to do with who I have in my life. My baby's definitely at the top of my list. I love him so much for always loving me for me. I don't ever have to front when it comes to him or feel like I have to be something I'm not. He's always accepted me the way I am. Flaws n all.

I've been feeling super CREATIVE lately as well. Really soaking in the fact that I am a daughter of God. Thee supreme creator of all things so I should be able to tap into a fraction of it. A very small one at that, but I'm super content with that. As long as I get to keep the creative process rolling so as to fulfill that longing. I love my baby and all seven blessings that have come from our dysfunctional, yet unconditional love for one another. Sunday can't come soon enough. #countdown

I held on so tight before he walked out the door :(

Newest Obsession

So I've come to terms with the fact that I absolutely suck at keeping up with my blog. I mean, come on. . .my last post was last year and we're already well on our way to the halfway mark of 2012. Wow! Where has the time gone?

Anyways, I'm here to talk about my newest obsession. I have too many to count so I figured my newest one is a pretty good place to start.

C.U.P.C.A.K.E.S

Never in my life have I ever been a fan of these little suckers, but moving to Ogden and discovering this place

has changed all that. Hands down thee best cupcakes you will ever eat in your life! We're pretty much regulars at this place and they're pretty pricey. So my #frugal# intuition has taken over and convinced my #whocaresabouttheprice# personality that I need to try my hand at making these lil suckers at home so we can stop wasting money on something that's only adding to our waistlines. Blahhh...and yet, since my discovery of this piece of heaven on earth, I can't imagine my life without cupcakes. Wow! Totally having a #fat# moment right now. I'm a little particular about the way I make things...ok ok I'm VERY particular about the way I make things especially when it comes to food. One of the many AMAZING things about the cupcakes that come from the Vintage Cupcake shop is the way she makes her frosting. None of that canned stuff or even whipped. It's seriously the creamiest, exploding with taste frosting you will ever taste. That is, of course, if my practicing ever pays off and I can re-create these absolute beauties. So far it's been a total fail, but no worries. I'm making time to keep on keepin' on, while secretly hoping Hoko gets it and buys me a Kitchenaid/Bosch mixer soon. Never give up, right?

I've come to a place in my life where I live my life everyday doing whatever makes me HAPPY. If that means not working out all week, but still watching what I eat then that's what's going to happen. If it means stacking up so many projects and not getting to a single one today because all I have time for are my kids, then I'm more than content with that. And if I've done nothing, but make cupcakes and frosting all day and still not have worked out, then guess what?? I'm still absolutely HAPPY with that. :D

Here's to my newest obsession and more posts to come since I finally put the app on my phone. Lol. Enjoy...

Updates. . . .

Wow. . . .it's been a while. I'm sitting here with Jordan in one arm while typing with the other. And he's seriously just staring at my free hand moving around in an uneven manner so as to accommodate this post. Definitely multi-tasking at it's best. Anyways, so much has happened since my last post. Jordan is now two and a half months and is quite literally kicking me in the butt and gut. Maybe this was more so up until two weeks ago. That was when fall semester came to a close. And can I just say how relieved I am?? I gave birth to Jordan on October 5th. Right smack in the middle of the semester. I have no idea what I was thinking when I registered for this past semester being in the last stretch of my pregnancy. But I did. And I'm so happy that I made it through with some kind of sanity still left in me. I think?? I did, however, get my first 'B.' Ugh. . . .but considering my circumstances, I have to say that I was pretty grateful for it. I missed an exam and two quizes in this class due to my giving birth so pulling a 'B' in it was quite a humbling experience & one that I do not fail to recognize had the Lord's hand in it all the way. My accumulative GPA right now is at a 3.53. Definitely room for improvement. I hope to get it up this next semester. My girls got straight A's in their first term. All of them!! Woohoo!! They seriously make me so proud. They care so much about their schooling and their future. We're always talking about the different possibilities that lies in wake for them. It's so exciting to think about, let alone discuss it with them. They're eagerness to prepare themselves for what lies ahead is what keeps me pushing forward in my schooling. They are my main inspiration!! That & definitely the way my husband works. His hard work always leaves me speechless because he doesn't complain about it. He just goes out there everyday and does it. I love him so much.

The girls' 4.0 recognition

Well, the girls' straight A's came with a couple of perks this time around. Their ATOP dance group has been doing a 'School Is Cool' promotion where students receive a couple of months free tuition if they get a 4.0. I definitely used this to my advantage because my girls absolutely LOVE learning about their polynesian culture through the art of dance. And with four girls?? Tuition can be pretty pricey. So I used this as an extra motivational tool for them to keep their eyes on the prize and stay focused on their education. I told them that they would have to pay for their own tuition in ATOP by getting straight A's. Lote gave us a little bit of a scare because when I logged into their account online to check their progress with grades, she had all A's and one 'D.' I went and saw her teacher and found out that Lote hadn't been doing her writing assignments. Aaliyah had this same 4th grade teacher last year so I was accustomed to the kind of work both in school and out of school that these kids were expected to accomplish. We were still three weeks from report card time so he gave Lote two weeks to turn in 25 pages of writing. Lesson learned for my nine year old in that plague that continues to haunt the best of us: procrastination. She was able to complete all her writing logs in a week and a half and turned that 'D' into a rightful 'A.' :D As proud as I was of her for being accountable for this, I had to be tough on her and told her that she wouldn't have encountered this dilemma if she would've been doing what she was supposed to be doing. I told her that she absolutely deserved that 'D' for her carelessness in not doing her writing logs daily. She was miserable for that week and a half that she had to constantly come up with something new to write about. As much as I felt for her, I also explained to her that in the real world, like perhaps when she reaches college, she won't have teachers that'll be so forgiving as Mr. Guymon (her 4th grade teacher). She tiredly nodded her head and went to bed. She was so weary.

I, as well, had been super weary during finals time. Being a mom doesn't give me much time to study so when I'm in class, I soak everything up like a sponge. I make sure I never miss class because I know that don't have much time out of class to catch up especially since I always feel like I'm barely keeping up. This has been my advantage since going back to school. Attendance has become my #1 priority in keeping my grades up. I was able to pull a 95% on my finals and I was also overjoyed that I got A's in all my essays/papers I had to write up this semester. My financial aide suspension has been lifted so I'm all set for spring. Woohoo!! This last semester we had to pay $2500 towards my tuition. Trust that it has been a struggle these past couple of months. I don't know how my husband pulled it off having only worked three and a half months this year, but he did. That's how important my education is to him. It's all the support I need to go out there and give it my all. I love him so much.

This past week, the girls had their first dance recital. I've been so excited for it for the past week or so. They did such a great job all thanks to the best dance instructors in the valley. We were some proud parents. They danced their little hearts out. We love them so much for giving it their all. They were so nervous. My little Sila especially. Lol. But they all did a great job and we're so looking forward to their next quarter that starts next month with the island of TONGA!! Cheehoo!! :D It's a definite bonus that they also get to dance with so many of their cousins. It just makes it so much more funner for them and us cause we get to see our families that we don't get to see that often and that's always a good thing. :D

Aaliyah's intermediate group

My sister, baby Jordan & I front & center

The girls w/Taeao & grandma Polu

Tasha was picked to do the solo right before they performed!! We were so PROUD!!

Inseparable

Proud moment w/my Aaliyah

Our beautiful girls :D

Beautiful first cousins

We love our families for all their support

Proud dad & uncles

School's out 'til the end of the year and I've been doing nothing, but enjoying every min/sec that I don't have to think about assignments being due, papers to write up, exams to study for, etc. . . . .Instead, I get to indulge in my LOVE for reading and have already read four books total from cover to cover thanks to my sis inlaw, Taeao, whose mother in-law has a HUGE collection of books and has let me borrow a few. Taeao recommended all four books that I got to take home and I love every single one of them. I couldn't put any of them down. One of the books she recommended was one called Eragon. It's the first book of a series of four. I tried to get book two from the library, but they're all out and there's a super long waiting list for it. I asked Taeao if they had book two and she said she would check and get back to me, but my impatience has gotten the best of me and I ended up at Walmart yesterday with Hoko to get book two, The Eldest, of this series.




I also picked up The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo so I can read it before I watch the movie. The books are always better, I think. There's always so much more details in them. I haven't gotten too far into this book because life here at home has been busy. I feel like all I do is clean, clean, clean. And I'm not complaining. I'm actually grateful to have the time to do it cause this last semester left us with a disgustingly DIRTY and UNHEALTHY home. It didn't help that I was staying with my parents on and off so my mom could watch my boys. But we survived it and it's given me a whole new perspective on time. How much of it we have and don't have. The one thing you can never get back. Once it's past, it's in the past. So I pretty much have a whole new outlook and almost a quiet reverence for it. It's that much more precious to me. With that being said, it's a little after 5 a.m. and I have no idea why I'm still up. I should be sleeping since Jordan's asleep. But I figure, I'll have all the time in the world for sleep in twenty years or so when the kids are all out of the house and married with their own families. I'll try to remember this on days when I feel like a duck running around with its head cut off cause it's in those moments that I tell myself that this too, shall pass. :D With that said, I'm signing off.

11 Years Strong!!

Today marks the eleventh year of being married to my best friend in the whole wide world. Nobody else has accompanied me or even taken me by hand to hell and back than this person has. Nobody else has been my #1 supporter in all my crazy endeavors that I'm always pursuing. Nobody else has the patience to put up with my countless mood swings & outrageous workout routines . Nobody else has the courage to tell me what I need to hear and not just what I want to hear. Nobody else has been supporting me financially for the past eleven years. Nobody else has been the father to my seven blessings. Nobody else has made it possible for me to have an eternal family by taking me to the most important place on this earth. Nobody else has pushed me past my limits and showed me that life is limitless. Nobody else is pulling for me more than anyone (my #1 cheerleader). Nobody else snores louder in my house. Nobody else is up with me at all hours of the night with an infant baby & then chooses to do it of his own free will six more times after that. Nobody else, but HIM. Happy Anniversary babe!! I love you so much.

Overwhelmed

I love him so much!! It's always been ME & YOU!!

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. And it's not a bad thing so much as it's just tiring. We've welcomed baby Jordan into our world and I'm so glad that Hoko's been home since the day I brought him out of the NICU. Hoko's been amazing, to say the least. He gets up for Jordan's feedings when I'm just exhausted. He rubs my back while I'm feeding Jordan just to let me know he's here with me. He's been making dinner for the kids that's literally 'to die for' cause this MAN can COOK!! :D We've been running errands together cause it's been a while since he's been home this long. And with E.R., you never know how long til they're sent out again. At this very moment he's at home with our boys while I'm here at school blogging and catching up on my school work. I have THEE best professors here at WSU. They've been so understanding to my situation and are working with me in giving me the extra time I've needed in order to get caught up. In only one class alone, I had six papers due. I was able to complete four of them today and will work on finishing up the other two tomorrow.

Life has been pretty busy since Hoko's been home. We've indulged in spending time with our families because they mean so much to us. Hoko's been making very good use of his time while being home as well. Last week he went and sat for his GED. Woo hoo!! It's been over ten years since this guy's been outta school. So believe me when I say that I am EXTREMELY proud of him. Education wasn't really something that he got support in growing up. So he's always pushed getting his GED on the back burner due to his fear of failing. Well, I'm so glad he's sucked it up and checked this off his list of 'things to do before he dies' list. Lol. We also had the opportunity to drive out to Vernal for an interview Hoko had with a company he's been trying to get in to for a couple of months now. It was a beautiful drive. I still get awe struck of how absolutely GORGEOUS it is to live here in Utah where we get to experience all four seasons. And since it's fall right now, the colors of the leaves are stunning!! :D The drive took about four hours to get there so it was pretty much an all day thing. He got the call back last Friday with a job offer to start on the 14th of Nov. As exciting as it's been to have received such a blessing, it's also been a little scary. Hoko's been with E.R. for the past 3-4 years and they've been really good to us. Hoko was saying that working for them really helped him to grow up a lot faster. Being away from us and not having anyone around gave him a lot to think about while he was away. And for that, I will always be grateful for the time he was there that we were able to grow through our experiences together. And come to think of it, it did the same for me. Cause it's always such a big adjustment having to hold down the fort at home on my own and then transitioning back to a two parent household when he's back. The mini vacay trips were also a bonus whenever I'd get the chance to go out and visit him. :D

I guess the feeling of being overwhelmed aren't the only ones that are surfacing. I'm also holding on to the hope that we're ready for these major changes in our lives that we're experiencing right now. I'm definitely EXCITED that Hoko will only be gone for two weeks at a time with this new job. Then he's able to come home for a WHOLE week. Woohoo!! What's not exciting about that?? :D I'm also looking forward to the stability that this new job holds for our family as well. He'll be working year round AND we get benefits!! Another bonus. It's been so long since we've been able to enjoy the security that company benefits hold for it's employees and their families. But I can definitely get used to that. :D We've been tremendously blessed and I'm so thankful to a loving father in heaven that is constantly mindful of our growing family. These upcoming changes are going to be for the best and I anxiously welcome them with open arms. Our kids are getting older and I will always count my blessings that we're able to support them not just financially, but spiritually as well. With that said, I'm signing off. I started this post earlier at school, but am finishing it off a little after 6 am the next day. :D

Baby #7 Is Here. . . . .

I had my doctor's appointment on Tuesday with intensions of setting a date for induction. I felt calm and less anxious in that appointment. My doctor and I decided on Wed, the next day. I was instructed to report to labor and delivery by 9 am. I went home and started to clean up around the house. That lasted for a good half hour. Lol. I wasn't feelin' it so I headed out the door to Babies 'R Us to grab some stuff for our bundle of joy since I always like to wait last minute before grabbing anything. I had his car seat and stroller that I got off of KSL. My favorite place for everything!! :D And that was pretty much it. So I grabbed him some blankets, bottles, clothes, a Halloween costume (lol), and socks. I drove straight to Salt Lake to pick up my mom and my two boys. Mom was coming to spend the week at my house to take care of the kids while I was in the hospital. So grateful to her for being so GREAT!! My two sis inlaws, Fine & Sheena, were heading up here in the morning to be with me in the hospital.

I was there by 9 am. They got me started on my IV's. We sat around talking and laughing. The first two hours passed and they checked me and I still hadn't dilated much. Another 2-3 hours went by and still nothing. It was four o'clock and my nurse said she'd empty my bladder cause sometimes that helps to move things along. Sure enough, as gross as this sounds, my bladder was totally full and when they emptied it out I dilated to an eight by 4:30 and by 4:45 I could feel him coming. The nurse ran out into the hallway and yelled for them to call my doctor to come while I was doing everything in my power to NOT push, but I could feel him coming. Next thing I know, my doctor walks in and two pushes later. . . .baby #7 came a kicking and a screaming. He arrived at 4:54 pm. 7lbs 12oz and 21 inches long. I was shocked at how small he was. I know that's an average size baby, but after giving birth to Savou?? I was so SURPRISED!! I kept saying, "He's so tiny." Lol. But he is BEAUTIFUL!! :D And he is OURS. :D

When they placed him on my chest, I was overwhelmed with joy. And at the same time I was overcome with sorrow because Hoko wasn't there. I did everything in my power to prepare myself for this day, but when they placed our son in my arms, I fell apart and cried. The tears kept falling as I held my baby boy in my arms so grateful for his precious spirit, but so sad that Hoko wasn't there to greet him and share in that special moment. :(

I had some complications after delivery and it took a while to get me into my own room. I was transferred a little after six. All my in-laws had arrived by this time. They all took turns holding baby. By about 7 pm, the nurse came in to give him a bath. His temperature dropped a little afterwards so he was placed underneath a warmer. Then we started to notice that he was breathing fast. She called the charge nurse in to check him and the CN immediately took him to the nursery. From there he was taken to transition where they monitored him, poked him (tears), and kept him under close watch to see if he would get any better. He was having a hard time breathing on his own. They transferred him to the NICU and kept him there. I was terrified!! Every parent's nightmare. And while this was happening with him, I had the whole floor of nurses in my room with me because I was hemorrhaging and they couldn't get me to stop. They finally got my blood under control at about ten o'clock. Some of my in-laws went to be with baby and I started to freak out while I was hemorrhaging and started getting really light headed and nauseous as my eyes started to roll back. The nurses started getting me to keep talking by asking me questions. I stayed with them cause all I kept thinking about was how much I had to stay conscious so I'd know what was happening with my son. They got me under control and now all I was worried about was my poor son.

I wasn't able to go be with him because of the state I was in. I'm so grateful for our families that were with me throughout the night. They stayed with me while others went to stay with the baby. My last visitor left after midnight and my nurse rolled me in a wheelchair to go be with my son. He was in an incubator with IV's hooked up to him, monitors on his body and his oxygen circulating through his nose. As grateful as I am for all the medical technology that was keeping my son alive, I was crushed to see him so helpless and fighting for his life. I sat there and watched him til 2:30 am when they close the NICU to all visitors while they do reports and shift changes so I headed back to my room and laid there in the dark. I kept trying to get some sleep so that I could be rested enough to return to him, but sleep had evaded me. By 4 am I broke down and had a much needed cry. I said a silent prayer to my father in heaven thanking him for blessing me with this beautiful baby boy. I prayed that all would be well and that we would both heal from our afflictions and return home to our family. I never MISSED Hoko so much in my life as did that night. I finally dozed off and got a good hour and a half of sleep before getting up and heading straight back to the NICU.

It was a rough day, but I'm happy to report that things have gotten a lot better. I was given a blood transfusion Friday night before getting discharged and I feel so much better. My ward sent two priesthood holders to give my son and I a blessing. A member of the Relief Society presidency also came to check on me and render any needed services for our family. I love my ward so much. They are so mindful of every family member in the ward it leaves me breathless. Baby Tevita Jordan is recovering and getting better everyday and I look forward to the day that we'll be able to bring him home so he can meet his brothers and sisters. And also his dad. :D Hoko's not back yet, but he'll be home in a couple of days. :D It's been quite the roller coaster ride, but Im thankful for all that we've been blessed with. Especially our wonderful FAMILIES and FRIENDS. :D

39 Weeks

I've been dilated to a two for going on three weeks now. It's crazy cause I usually dilate fast, but I guess not this time. I'm 39 weeks as of yesterday and if it weren't for my doctor's appointment scheduled in an hour, I would be pretty down. But I've been amazingly patient with this pregnancy and I know it has everything to do with Hoko not being here for this one. I've been back and forth about wanting him here so badly for the birth of our son while at the same time hoping that he's scheduled to start another project soon. We've both been quietly stressing about his current project coming to an end this week. The money we had put away for when he comes home to wait for another project to start up was spent yesterday to pay for all my outstanding warrants (see previous post) and has really been weighing heavily on us.

I woke up this morning at around 7 am and found that it was still dark out. Which means that winter is quickly approaching, as it always does. I love this time of year here in Utah. But with six, soon to be seven, kids in tow, that means jackets, snow boots, gloves, scarves and more socks are what's needed. And we haven't even gotten halloween costumes on top of all that. But I have a constant prayer in my heart that all will be well and that are needs will be met because my father in heaven has never let me down. The whole conference weekend, I kept having that scripture in my head about how the Lord takes care of the lilies in the field. How they grow without any effort, then why wouldn't he take care of us? His children that he loves and adores so much. I don't remember what scripture it is or if I got it from a talk, but it was a constant reminder to me of the principle of faith. How I need to increase my faith in the Lord and if I'm making sure that my family and I are doing everything in our power to live righteously and provide for ourselves and those around us, we will be blessed and taken care of. We will never go without. Our needs will always be met. There's definitely comfort in knowing that.

I'm so excited to be welcoming our baby #7 into the world. I can't wait to see how you look, your personality and sweet spirit that I get to enjoy nurturing. I love being your mother and you're not even here yet. Nothing can top that role in my life. I love you baby #7!! I don't know what your name is going to be yet. Grandma Selu has the honor of naming you so it's going to be a special one. I think daddy and I will throw in a middle name so that we can have somewhat of a part in your name. We're so happy that Heavenly Father is trusting us with your sweet little spirit. Our only hope is that we're able to fulfill our obligations in loving and raising you up to be a worthy priesthood holder in this not so easy world. My love for you will never waver as I know yours won't for me or your dad or your brothers and sisters that are waiting on this side of the veil to greet you. :D I love you :D