Today marks the eleventh year of being married to my best friend in the whole wide world. Nobody else has accompanied me or even taken me by hand to hell and back than this person has. Nobody else has been my #1 supporter in all my crazy endeavors that I'm always pursuing. Nobody else has the patience to put up with my countless mood swings & outrageous workout routines . Nobody else has the courage to tell me what I need to hear and not just what I want to hear. Nobody else has been supporting me financially for the past eleven years. Nobody else has been the father to my seven blessings. Nobody else has made it possible for me to have an eternal family by taking me to the most important place on this earth. Nobody else has pushed me past my limits and showed me that life is limitless. Nobody else is pulling for me more than anyone (my #1 cheerleader). Nobody else snores louder in my house. Nobody else is up with me at all hours of the night with an infant baby & then chooses to do it of his own free will six more times after that. Nobody else, but HIM. Happy Anniversary babe!! I love you so much.
Monday, October 24, 2011
I love him so much!! It's always been ME & YOU!!
I've been feeling overwhelmed lately. And it's not a bad thing so much as it's just tiring. We've welcomed baby Jordan into our world and I'm so glad that Hoko's been home since the day I brought him out of the NICU. Hoko's been amazing, to say the least. He gets up for Jordan's feedings when I'm just exhausted. He rubs my back while I'm feeding Jordan just to let me know he's here with me. He's been making dinner for the kids that's literally 'to die for' cause this MAN can COOK!! :D We've been running errands together cause it's been a while since he's been home this long. And with E.R., you never know how long til they're sent out again. At this very moment he's at home with our boys while I'm here at school blogging and catching up on my school work. I have THEE best professors here at WSU. They've been so understanding to my situation and are working with me in giving me the extra time I've needed in order to get caught up. In only one class alone, I had six papers due. I was able to complete four of them today and will work on finishing up the other two tomorrow.
Life has been pretty busy since Hoko's been home. We've indulged in spending time with our families because they mean so much to us. Hoko's been making very good use of his time while being home as well. Last week he went and sat for his GED. Woo hoo!! It's been over ten years since this guy's been outta school. So believe me when I say that I am EXTREMELY proud of him. Education wasn't really something that he got support in growing up. So he's always pushed getting his GED on the back burner due to his fear of failing. Well, I'm so glad he's sucked it up and checked this off his list of 'things to do before he dies' list. Lol. We also had the opportunity to drive out to Vernal for an interview Hoko had with a company he's been trying to get in to for a couple of months now. It was a beautiful drive. I still get awe struck of how absolutely GORGEOUS it is to live here in Utah where we get to experience all four seasons. And since it's fall right now, the colors of the leaves are stunning!! :D The drive took about four hours to get there so it was pretty much an all day thing. He got the call back last Friday with a job offer to start on the 14th of Nov. As exciting as it's been to have received such a blessing, it's also been a little scary. Hoko's been with E.R. for the past 3-4 years and they've been really good to us. Hoko was saying that working for them really helped him to grow up a lot faster. Being away from us and not having anyone around gave him a lot to think about while he was away. And for that, I will always be grateful for the time he was there that we were able to grow through our experiences together. And come to think of it, it did the same for me. Cause it's always such a big adjustment having to hold down the fort at home on my own and then transitioning back to a two parent household when he's back. The mini vacay trips were also a bonus whenever I'd get the chance to go out and visit him. :D
I guess the feeling of being overwhelmed aren't the only ones that are surfacing. I'm also holding on to the hope that we're ready for these major changes in our lives that we're experiencing right now. I'm definitely EXCITED that Hoko will only be gone for two weeks at a time with this new job. Then he's able to come home for a WHOLE week. Woohoo!! What's not exciting about that?? :D I'm also looking forward to the stability that this new job holds for our family as well. He'll be working year round AND we get benefits!! Another bonus. It's been so long since we've been able to enjoy the security that company benefits hold for it's employees and their families. But I can definitely get used to that. :D We've been tremendously blessed and I'm so thankful to a loving father in heaven that is constantly mindful of our growing family. These upcoming changes are going to be for the best and I anxiously welcome them with open arms. Our kids are getting older and I will always count my blessings that we're able to support them not just financially, but spiritually as well. With that said, I'm signing off. I started this post earlier at school, but am finishing it off a little after 6 am the next day. :D
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I had my doctor's appointment on Tuesday with intensions of setting a date for induction. I felt calm and less anxious in that appointment. My doctor and I decided on Wed, the next day. I was instructed to report to labor and delivery by 9 am. I went home and started to clean up around the house. That lasted for a good half hour. Lol. I wasn't feelin' it so I headed out the door to Babies 'R Us to grab some stuff for our bundle of joy since I always like to wait last minute before grabbing anything. I had his car seat and stroller that I got off of KSL. My favorite place for everything!! :D And that was pretty much it. So I grabbed him some blankets, bottles, clothes, a Halloween costume (lol), and socks. I drove straight to Salt Lake to pick up my mom and my two boys. Mom was coming to spend the week at my house to take care of the kids while I was in the hospital. So grateful to her for being so GREAT!! My two sis inlaws, Fine & Sheena, were heading up here in the morning to be with me in the hospital.
I was there by 9 am. They got me started on my IV's. We sat around talking and laughing. The first two hours passed and they checked me and I still hadn't dilated much. Another 2-3 hours went by and still nothing. It was four o'clock and my nurse said she'd empty my bladder cause sometimes that helps to move things along. Sure enough, as gross as this sounds, my bladder was totally full and when they emptied it out I dilated to an eight by 4:30 and by 4:45 I could feel him coming. The nurse ran out into the hallway and yelled for them to call my doctor to come while I was doing everything in my power to NOT push, but I could feel him coming. Next thing I know, my doctor walks in and two pushes later. . . .baby #7 came a kicking and a screaming. He arrived at 4:54 pm. 7lbs 12oz and 21 inches long. I was shocked at how small he was. I know that's an average size baby, but after giving birth to Savou?? I was so SURPRISED!! I kept saying, "He's so tiny." Lol. But he is BEAUTIFUL!! :D And he is OURS. :D
When they placed him on my chest, I was overwhelmed with joy. And at the same time I was overcome with sorrow because Hoko wasn't there. I did everything in my power to prepare myself for this day, but when they placed our son in my arms, I fell apart and cried. The tears kept falling as I held my baby boy in my arms so grateful for his precious spirit, but so sad that Hoko wasn't there to greet him and share in that special moment. :(
I had some complications after delivery and it took a while to get me into my own room. I was transferred a little after six. All my in-laws had arrived by this time. They all took turns holding baby. By about 7 pm, the nurse came in to give him a bath. His temperature dropped a little afterwards so he was placed underneath a warmer. Then we started to notice that he was breathing fast. She called the charge nurse in to check him and the CN immediately took him to the nursery. From there he was taken to transition where they monitored him, poked him (tears), and kept him under close watch to see if he would get any better. He was having a hard time breathing on his own. They transferred him to the NICU and kept him there. I was terrified!! Every parent's nightmare. And while this was happening with him, I had the whole floor of nurses in my room with me because I was hemorrhaging and they couldn't get me to stop. They finally got my blood under control at about ten o'clock. Some of my in-laws went to be with baby and I started to freak out while I was hemorrhaging and started getting really light headed and nauseous as my eyes started to roll back. The nurses started getting me to keep talking by asking me questions. I stayed with them cause all I kept thinking about was how much I had to stay conscious so I'd know what was happening with my son. They got me under control and now all I was worried about was my poor son.
I wasn't able to go be with him because of the state I was in. I'm so grateful for our families that were with me throughout the night. They stayed with me while others went to stay with the baby. My last visitor left after midnight and my nurse rolled me in a wheelchair to go be with my son. He was in an incubator with IV's hooked up to him, monitors on his body and his oxygen circulating through his nose. As grateful as I am for all the medical technology that was keeping my son alive, I was crushed to see him so helpless and fighting for his life. I sat there and watched him til 2:30 am when they close the NICU to all visitors while they do reports and shift changes so I headed back to my room and laid there in the dark. I kept trying to get some sleep so that I could be rested enough to return to him, but sleep had evaded me. By 4 am I broke down and had a much needed cry. I said a silent prayer to my father in heaven thanking him for blessing me with this beautiful baby boy. I prayed that all would be well and that we would both heal from our afflictions and return home to our family. I never MISSED Hoko so much in my life as did that night. I finally dozed off and got a good hour and a half of sleep before getting up and heading straight back to the NICU.
It was a rough day, but I'm happy to report that things have gotten a lot better. I was given a blood transfusion Friday night before getting discharged and I feel so much better. My ward sent two priesthood holders to give my son and I a blessing. A member of the Relief Society presidency also came to check on me and render any needed services for our family. I love my ward so much. They are so mindful of every family member in the ward it leaves me breathless. Baby Tevita Jordan is recovering and getting better everyday and I look forward to the day that we'll be able to bring him home so he can meet his brothers and sisters. And also his dad. :D Hoko's not back yet, but he'll be home in a couple of days. :D It's been quite the roller coaster ride, but Im thankful for all that we've been blessed with. Especially our wonderful FAMILIES and FRIENDS. :D
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
I've been dilated to a two for going on three weeks now. It's crazy cause I usually dilate fast, but I guess not this time. I'm 39 weeks as of yesterday and if it weren't for my doctor's appointment scheduled in an hour, I would be pretty down. But I've been amazingly patient with this pregnancy and I know it has everything to do with Hoko not being here for this one. I've been back and forth about wanting him here so badly for the birth of our son while at the same time hoping that he's scheduled to start another project soon. We've both been quietly stressing about his current project coming to an end this week. The money we had put away for when he comes home to wait for another project to start up was spent yesterday to pay for all my outstanding warrants (see previous post) and has really been weighing heavily on us.
I woke up this morning at around 7 am and found that it was still dark out. Which means that winter is quickly approaching, as it always does. I love this time of year here in Utah. But with six, soon to be seven, kids in tow, that means jackets, snow boots, gloves, scarves and more socks are what's needed. And we haven't even gotten halloween costumes on top of all that. But I have a constant prayer in my heart that all will be well and that are needs will be met because my father in heaven has never let me down. The whole conference weekend, I kept having that scripture in my head about how the Lord takes care of the lilies in the field. How they grow without any effort, then why wouldn't he take care of us? His children that he loves and adores so much. I don't remember what scripture it is or if I got it from a talk, but it was a constant reminder to me of the principle of faith. How I need to increase my faith in the Lord and if I'm making sure that my family and I are doing everything in our power to live righteously and provide for ourselves and those around us, we will be blessed and taken care of. We will never go without. Our needs will always be met. There's definitely comfort in knowing that.
I'm so excited to be welcoming our baby #7 into the world. I can't wait to see how you look, your personality and sweet spirit that I get to enjoy nurturing. I love being your mother and you're not even here yet. Nothing can top that role in my life. I love you baby #7!! I don't know what your name is going to be yet. Grandma Selu has the honor of naming you so it's going to be a special one. I think daddy and I will throw in a middle name so that we can have somewhat of a part in your name. We're so happy that Heavenly Father is trusting us with your sweet little spirit. Our only hope is that we're able to fulfill our obligations in loving and raising you up to be a worthy priesthood holder in this not so easy world. My love for you will never waver as I know yours won't for me or your dad or your brothers and sisters that are waiting on this side of the veil to greet you. :D I love you :D
Monday, October 3, 2011
This past weekend was amazing. I enjoyed the conference talks so much. I am definitely looking forward to next month's Ensign so I can go through all the talks once more cause I know that there's no way I got everything that was shared. I spent the weekend with my parents savoring every moment with these two people that gave me life. I am so thankful to have them so close. They fill a void in me that no one else can with Hoko working out of state. We ate such great home cooked meals that were prepared by my mom. And I do not take those things for granted especially since I haven't been able to do any of that with this pregnancy.
I noticed something today, tho. As I was reading through my daily updates on facebook, I was amazed at how many of my friends and family were experiencing such a hard day today. So many were filled with stress about different things going on in their lives. And even for me. . . . .I found myself trying EXTRA hard to be optimistic because of some things that happened today that weren't planned, but there seemed to be no way around it. And I thought to myself, WOW!! Satan is putting in some serious work for so many of my friends & families to be going through so much distress in their lives after such a great & uplifting weekend. And even ME. Different things from my past keep slowly surfacing & catching up with me. Today?? It was all my outstanding warrants from tickets that I let accumulate & add up. I took care of all FOUR of them today. Can you believe it?? Four outstanding warrants. The only thing standing between me & jail was this blessing I've been carrying around inside me for the past nine months. Had it not been for him, I would be sitting in a jail cell hoping to post bail for being irresponsible on my part & letting myself get caught up in the dilemma that I found myself in. These tickets are years old. Some dating back to when we only had three kids. We're now going on number seven. Ridiculous, right?? I know. SMH. . . . .so what suddenly brought on this sense of urgency in getting these things taken care of?? The fact that as we were driving home Thursday night after taking the girls to their dance practice & spending dinner at my mom's, I almost had a heart attack when I saw the flashing lights through my rear view mirror & it wasn't to pass me up. It was for me to pull over to the side of the freeway. I was terrified because I already knew about my tickets that I never took care of. He ran my info & came back asking me if I wanted to step out of the car so the kids wouldn't hear. I quickly obliged. He showed me my warrants & echoed my fears that if it weren't for me being so pregnant, he would be hauling me to jail. He let me off on a warning, which I am so grateful for, with a promise that I would get it taken care of.
As I was driving home with the kids, I felt so disappointed in myself. Disappointed that I almost ended up in jail because of my negligence in keeping the laws of the land. What kind of example am I setting for my kids?? What would've happened if I went to jail that night?? Hoko's not even in the same state as us right now. Am I seriously that selfish that I can place that kind of responsibility on my parents?? Cause I know they would've come & gotten the kids as well as did everything they could to get me out of jail. Yet, I have enough money sitting in my bank account to pay off these things & make things right with the law?? This was sounding more & more pathetic as all these thoughts were circulating in my head. I couldn't believe that I let it come to this. I made the decision that night that I would take care of all my tickets on Monday so I could re-instate my drivers license & not put my children in jeopardy ever again. I'm happy to report that I made all those payments today & have no outstanding warrants in my name anymore & I plan to keep it that way. Although, I have to wait til next week to re-instate my license due to one of my tickets being so old that it went to the state's collection department & they only update weekly, I have to say how grateful I am to my Heavenly Father for putting me in a position that I could take care of this matter. I won't even lie, tho. Hoko & I struggled with this all weekend long & even all day today because we had other plans for that money, but by the end of the day. . . .we were counting our blessings that we were in a position to get this ordeal taken care of.
Our beautiful blessings. They seriously make us who we are today. :D
Hoko gets home this Saturday & I can't wait to see him. It's always so hard being apart, but I must say that I'm even more excited that he'll be here to meet the brand new member of our family since I'll be getting induced this week. :D And while it's bitter sweet having him home for an uncertain amount of time, I'll hold steadfast to my faith in the Lord that he is mindful of my growing family & our needs & that we will be blessed with our needs being met, as they always are. In these tough economic times, I count my blessings that Hoko has a job. While it takes him out of state & far away from us, it provides for our financial well being while I am in school in pursuit of a career that will also help out & bring him home. I love him so much & am in awe of the kinds of sacrifices he continues to make for our family.
My husband. I will never be able to make the kinds of sacrifices he makes for our family. I love him!!
And while this weekend had it's ups, downs & in-betweens. . . .I'm hoping that we passed the test & can fully move forward with no regrets. :D