So yesterday was supposed to be my FIRST official day of classes for this fall semester, but a trip to the bookstore changed all that. I had already planned to head out of the house early enough so that I can go to the bookstore, pick up my textbook & then head to class. Well, when I got to the bookstore & found out that this particular class required a BUNDLE set that included a textbook, study guide & two other things all wrapped up in one. . . .I already had a feeling it was gonna cost me an arm & a leg. And it LITERALLY DID!! $310 to be exact!! Holy crap. . . .that's about how much it is to take the class!! Ugh. . . .So I decided to drop the class & pick up a different one & leave this highly EXPENSIVE class til next semester. Read on & I'll expound further on why it's gonna make a difference.
I thought I was all set for this semester, financial aid wise, but I got a surprise email last Friday stating that my financial aid was suspended. Apparently I didn't take enough classes this past summer semester in order to bring my GPA to where it needs to be. I was feeling so devastated on Friday. I spoke with the financial aid counselor & my only option was to pay for this semester or seek a private loan through my bank. Never mind that I was completely unaware of the fact that if I would've taken a couple of more classes, it would've been enough to pull my GPA out of the hole. Lesson learned that the past always catches up with you. Let me explain.
I attended SLCC seven years ago for two semesters in a row. I was pregnant with baby #4, working & tried to handle wayyyy too much & ended up failing miserably both semesters!! :( I wasn't too focused on school in the first place & really only went because I felt that's where my parents wanted me to be. Not because it's where I should've wanted to be. So because of those two miserable semesters & the lack of focus back then, I am paying for it now. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking about having to explain this nightmare to Hoko. He already works so hard to provide for our family in just our temporal needs alone that I didn't wanna burden him with my tuition as well. :( I decided before talking to him that if we didn't have the means for me to attend this semester, it was okay. I would wait til I gave birth & then I would find a temp job that would allow me to pay for a semester & then return to school. And even as I already finalized this decision in my head, I was so scared of the possibility that I may never return. Or that it may be YEARS before I'm in a position to do so. But how could I ask so much of him? I was absolutely torn.
I picked up the kids from my mom's & we headed to the park. I packed a book with me & read while the kids played on the playground. Hoko called me when he got off work & we talked about everything that went on during the day & other things as well. He asked me if everything was set with my schooling & I spilled my heart out to him. I was so emotional (keep in mind that I am in the last stretch of my pregnancy). He was quiet for a minute & I could tell he was contemplating what our next move would be. He was probably even praying about what our options were & when he finally spoke, his voice was calm & even. He reassured me that everything would be alright. That we needed to make the necessary sacrifices in order for me to stay in school. He echoed my fears about stopping now & not knowing when I could go back or even if I ever would. I felt such a peaceful burning with in me & knew that it was the spirit of the Lord confirming the truth of all Hoko was saying. I was so utterly grateful for such a loving Heavenly Father & for his leading Hoko & I into each others' lives. I can honestly say that I have no BIGGER supporter than that of my husband's & I'm truly honored & humbly blessed to be his wife.
I tell him everyday that he's my best friend. And I mean it more than ever before. No other person knows my most deepest & most secretive thoughts. And it's not so much that it's a secret more so than it is my insecurities that I would never share with anyone else. Although I know that everyone on this earth has their different issues that they deal with, I'm not at all open about mines. I've been hurt & crossed too many times to be an open book. And it's taught me how hard Satan works to move the work of opposition forward just as much as we work to be happy. I absolutely believe that happiness is a choice & I'll take this option over opposition any day. Even though I do have my days, weeks & even months when it seems that opposition & the adversary are getting the best of me. . . .I hope that I can always remember what I've been taught growing up in the gospel. That I may give my burdens to the Lord & trust in Him to lighten my load.
I love my husband so much & appreciate his simple nature in always being able to be there for me when I need him most. He's the only person that I listen to when I'm being stubborn & I'm learning over the years that it's not about me. It's about US. Funny how we seem to love learning things the hard way sometimes. The Lord always reminds me how human I am & I'm quickly humbled.
The first day of school ended up being tolerable & surprisingly, I'm feeling really refreshed at the start of this semester. :D With my husband by my side, I feel like things fall into place no matter what obstacles are thrown at us.
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